remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize