Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
