The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
