I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
