Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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