it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
