kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I AM VODKA MAN
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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