i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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