so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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