Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You're like the curious george of whores
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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