I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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