CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
