I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize