You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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