If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
