We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
