I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk is not a location!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
