You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
