do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
