Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
