if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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