are you still at the devil's house?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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