Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
