My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
