I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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