threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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