Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
