I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
