we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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