come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize