in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
