he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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