remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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