Do you still have your period?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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