Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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