On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
