I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
