so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize