I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
