Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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