What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
