That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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