just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
