the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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