I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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