New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
