she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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