Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
