She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
