You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
