I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
