Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
