I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
