I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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