one might say we're banned from that church
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
