The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize