I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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