i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
