I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
