Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
