Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize