Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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