My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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