His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
