recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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