ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
