He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
