I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize