Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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