Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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