so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Randomize