remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
