I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
