just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize