i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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