i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
