I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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