Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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