I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
high people should be assigned attendants
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
