I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
