I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
