I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
