she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
