3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize