i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
