batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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