You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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