You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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